I grew up in a traditional Sikh family in Dudley. My father developed a drinking problem just after he retired in 1994. Due to my father’s drinking, my mother had to work longer hours and my siblings started to go out more. 

In 2002, I had a bad experience with alcohol. My father decided to take me out of college and put me into full-time work. Whenever I looked for jobs, I tried to find a job that required me to work longer hours; this meant I could escape the house for longer. This is when my weekend drinking started. I always had the mentality “I work so hard, so I deserve a drink” or “there is no point in having just one drink, you need to get wasted”.

As time went by, my week at work became shorter and my weekend binges became longer, I would lie to my employers and use every excuse in the book. Sympathy was a weapon I used, I mastered the art of making people feel sorry for me. Sometimes I would tell my employer that my mother had died or I had been diagnosed with cancer. Lying became second nature.

My family noticed my drinking when they started to find empty vodka bottles around the house. My mother wouldn’t sleep most nights. If I was out drinking, she would be up all night looking out the window waiting for me to return home. I started to go missing for days and weeks, eventually ending up in a hospital or a police cell.

Everyone else could see the problem but me. When I first realised that I had an issue with drink, I tried various methods to control my drinking, but I had no interest in stopping. I decided to only drink on weekends or only drink on special occasions. I left old friends for new ones. I only drank beer and gave up the sprits. This didn’t work as I the drink always led me back to where I started, blacking out and in a police cell.

When all the above methods didn’t work, I started to believe that it was either bad luck or sin was the reason for my drinking, I regularly visited the Gurdwara or fortune-teller to have a better view on my future. When even this didn’t work, my family suggested that I get married. I thought this would solve my drinking problem, I thought if I got married and had kids, “I would stop.” Little did I know, I was divorced within a year.

In 2014, I was booked into a rehab; it was there I was introduced to Alcoholics Anonymous. After a few meetings, I learnt that once I drank, I could not stop, I had a body that would not stop, and a mind that would not let me stay stopped. I knew it was the first drink the did the damage, all I had to do was stay away from the first drink and I would be ok.

On this occasion I remained sober for 18 months but developed a gambling problem. One evening, I ended up at a shop after an argument with my family. My family had just found out that I had sold all their gold and gambled it away. As I sat there outside the shop frightened and full of fear, I knew there was only one thing that could make me feel better, and that was to drink.

After this drink, I knew what I needed to do, “I must work the AA program to the best of my ability”. I got in touch with my sponsor at the time and worked the program of recovery for the second time, I attended regular meetings, and once again, I remained sober for 18 months. This time the drink had more serious consequences. On the 17th December 2018, I sat in a police cell; my arrest sheet detailed that I had assaulted a police officer whist blackout drunk. I was released after 24 hours, as I walked back to my mother’s house, I asked myself, “why can’t I get this”, it was only then I realised, I need to start being honest.

I went to my mothers and got down on my knees and asked god for forgiveness. I felt as if I had completely surrendered! I asked God to show me the way I could get well, this felt different because every time I got into trouble, my prayer would sound something like this, God if you get me out of this mess I will never drink again, two hours later I would be drunk.

I rang up a friend who was to become my sponsor, we went through the program of recovery, and I started to help others. Today things are different, I pray morning and night and read at least two pages of the AA big book, I keep in regular contact with my sponsor. I have not had a drink since the 18th December 2018. I have a very simple life today; I live one day at a time, I do what is suggested and practice the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous to the best of my ability. Since coming into AA, My life has dramatically changed, my house has become a home, my partner has become a wife, and my associates have become my friends. 

The most important thing is that I feel a part of something, during my drinking I became very lonely, I thought I was the only one feeling like this, so when I came into Alcoholics Anonymous, I found friends that thought, felt and acted like me.